Heta High School: Friendship Club
by Esile the Raven
Summary: I can only say two words for this club: Social Retards. If you don't mind going to the hospital at the risk of jaw dislocation, if you don't mind spitting coke on your screen, if you don't mind throwing your device across the room screaming WTF, if you love internet, pretty boys, fourth-wall breaking, a bit of friendship and a wee of romance, then maybe this story is for you. AU
1. Free Hugs?

**Heta High School: Friendship Club!**  
_November 22nd 2014_  
by Esile the Raven, Hetalia by Himaruya Hidekaz

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1\. Free Hugs?

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In the glamorous Heta High School, if you go to the music room, you will find—What do you mean I'm copying Ouran High!? I'm not, this is original from me! Club fanfics originated from me, alright!?

Ahem.

Fine, so let's not go to the music room. Let's follow this plain boy, Kiku Honda. A transfer from Japan (as if his name wasn't _obvious_ enough?) and a wallflower of some-sort. Kiku is the sort of student who hates crowd, and deemed that everyone in high school, except him, are not so smart (the gentle words for 'dumb').

Plus, being an Asian, there's this 'Wider Personal Space' that Kiku possessed.

So when there's a Free-Hug event at school, Kiku was not impressed.

"HEY, HEY~! TODAY'S FREE HUG DAY!" Kiku shivered in front of the door, seeing the famous American student, Alfred F. Jones, was prancing around hugging people. "HUGS! HUGS!"

One, who the hell invented this dumb event!? They're so insensitive! Don't they ever think about those religious students who weren't allowed to touch opposite sex!? Two, Alfred should pipe the hell down—oh crap, he caught Kiku staring.

Kiku be like; nothing to do here, turning away and decided to skip the day off.

And Alfred be like; "YO! TRANSFER STUDEEENT! FREE...HUUUUGS...!"

BAM BAM BAM

The building shook as Alfred ran to Kiku and caught him in an embrace.

Kiku thought a lot of things; as if his life was flashing before him—he was experiencing a near-death experience. Oh, he's not able to be a bride—wait, no, I mean, he's not a virgin anymore...He wanted to marry a traditional japanese woman, live in mountains for a hundred years in a reclused surrounding...And now, this American would have to take the responsibility...

Kiku shivered in denial.

"NO...!"

And then a punch landed on Alfred's face, sending him flying across the hall.

That's how Kiku was forced to join the Friendship Club.

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**In the next chapter:**

"Um...For my punishment, I was told to...do whatever you ask me to," Kiku mumbled. Alfred hummed, crossing his arms. "S-So...what would you like me to do? Within reasons, of course..."

"That's pretty cool, man!" Alfred laughed. "Then you gotta join the friendship club and do the chores until I graduate. That's it!"

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**I have fun writing this, and hopefully you find it fun to read as much! Add it to your favorite list, leave review if you have the time, and see you in the next chapter~ Good day!**


	2. Welcome to the Club!

2\. Welcome to the Club!

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World was definitely injustice. First of all, Alfred F. Jones had stolen Kiku's virginity. He totally deserved a bit of punch on the face. So why was it's mandatory for Kiku to be investigated in the Student Council Room? He was definitely guiltless! Sure, he broke some teeth, but—_his virginity_ valued more, obviously?

The president, Arthur Kirkland, frowned at Kiku, unimpressed.

"Honda, you're a transfer student, and you're already making a fight?" he crossed his arms. "Shouldn't you show more attitude? I know you're not used to..._westerners_, yet I don't see the reason why you have to break my little brother's face—not that I'm not happy..."

"Ahem," Ludwig Beilschmidt cleared his throat, and Arthur gulped, biting his tongue.

"B-But...!" Kiku clenched his fists. "He hugged me! That's improper! That's grope! That's sexual harassment..." he slightly teared up and hung his head down. "I...I can't be a proper groom anymore...If Jones-san doesn't take responsibility, I shall commit _seppuku_..."

Arthur laughed nervously, carefully trying to calm the Japanese student and glanced to Ludwig.

"Beilschmidt, what's _seppuku_?"

Ludwig pulled out his notebook. "It's an act of tearing your own stomach open—"

"You can't commit _seppuku_! There's no reason to do that! Come now, Honda, get it together," Arthur quickly assured, patting the shorter boy. "It's perfectly normal! Hugging isn't indecent, it's a...healthy was of sharing affection to others. Th-That's the point of the Free-Hugs Event!"

Well, Arthur _totally knew_ it wasn't the point.

Since the promoter of that event was none other than _Francis Bonnefoy_. Surely, Kiku needn't to know this. (Francis obviously wanted a reason to legally grope everyone at school...)

"I know you're sad and feel violated about this, however, I'm sorry to say that to the public, you're on the bad position, Honda," Arthur consoled the crying teen. "I'm afraid that I'll have to send a report to your parents..."

Kiku gasped. "No, anything but _that_!" he grabbed Arthur's arms. "Please, I will do anything, but don't tell anything to my parents...my foster father is the one who paid for my education—Please, _anything_ but that! He will definitely remove me from school if he heard this..."

Arthur sweated upon the teary face, feeling pity and in a totally awkward position. He glanced to Ludwig for help. The Germany boy sighed.

Sometimes he wondered if he should've taken the President's place for the good of school.

"Then, you have to make amends to Jones," Ludwig said. "You will have to do anything he orders you. You should tell that to him. He will be in the friendship club room after school. It's on the third floor, room number 42A."

Kiku didn't know anymore. What would be more awkward; telling his foster-father, or meet the guy he recently punched on the face?

He really preferred committing _seppuku_.

~.X.~

The one time Kiku wished for time to move slower, school got quickly over. Kiku sighed, glancing to the carefree students; Feliciano Vargas, for example. He could still play around with Ludwig, asking everyone to eat out. And Kiku just sat there, all nervous for his judgment.

What if Alfred ordered him to do weird stuff? Like bondage—

"I'm a Japanese man," Kiku thought to himself for self-motivation. "I must do it."

With that sheer determination, he went to the third floor and the assigned room. Reluctantly, Kiku knocked the door.

"Someone's here, aru—OOF!"

"You stepped on my water pipe, da..."

"Don't drop it on the floor, aru! Hey, you can come in!"

Kiku tried to turn the knob. "Um, it's locked."

"Can't someone get the door!? Aiya, I can't get up from the floor aru! Ivan, stop sitting on me, aru!"

"Eh? I'm sitting on you?"

Kiku gulped when the door was opened, and a tan senior greeted him with a wide smile.

"Hola! Welcome to the Friendship Club! You're the guy who punched Alfred the other day, right?" he laughed, giving a thumb up. "I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. What do you need, amigo?"

"He's probably looking for Fatty, aru," the Chinese boy grunted and got out from beneath a thick-clothed boy. He grinned to Kiku. "I'm so proud for your action, aru! I should've recorded it!"

"Um, so, where's Jones-san?" Kiku asked, trying to keep his patience. The room was just a normal classroom, with water dispenser and a shelf filled with weird books. Antonio looked around in the class, and Kiku mentally sighed. He could clearly see that Alfred wasn't there, he was asking _where_ Alfred is.

"Yo, guys!" Kiku almost jumped when he heard the booming voice behind him. He shivered and turned to see Alfred, half of his face bandaged. The American stopped there, staring at Kiku. "Oh, hey, Samson! Dudes, what's he doing here?"

"You can just ask the person himself, Al," Antonio chuckled and returned into the room. "Just make sure don't get another punch! That looks terrible!"

The door closed, leaving Alfred and Kiku in the corridor. Kiku played his fingers, feeling beyond awkward, but he had no choice.

"Um...For my punishment, I was told to...do whatever you ask me to," Kiku mumbled. Alfred hummed, crossing his arms. "S-So...what would you like me to do? Within reasons, of course..."

"That's pretty cool, man!" Alfred laughed. "Then you gotta join the friendship club and do the chores until I graduate. That's it!"

Kiku's face almost fell. "J-Join the club!? Do I have to?"

"I don't know...you punched my face, y'know...I lost two of my teeth, and they're not going to grow...Compared to joining the club _temporarily_..."

Alfred smiled. Kiku shivered. Despite his cheery looks, the American knew how to intimidate and gave Kiku a guilt-trip. The Japanese boy sighed and hung his head down.

"Alright...I'll do it."

"Cool. Now go and buy me some triple burger bacon," Alfred grinned, waving to dismiss him. When Kiku was about to open his hand, asking for the money, Alfred turned and nodded to him, saying; "With your money, _duh_!"

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**In the next chapter:**

"Ve, you know, Heracles and Sadik are going to use the gym for practice, but their schedules clashed," Feliciano clasped his hands. "So, being the wise man, I made the situation better by suggesting for a death match, ve!"

Alfred nodded, looking impressed. "That's cool, dude! So why are you here, then? I don't see the problem."

"I don't know, Ludwig yelled at me to call and drag someone from this club to stop them, ve!"

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**I promise the next ones will be longer! Please add this story to your favorite list and subscribe for more! Leave reviews if you have the time, and until next time, farewell~**


	3. Friendship Club's Errand Boy!

3\. Friendship Club's Errand Boy!

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Kiku went home feeling tired and _dirty_. He then searched something on the internet. He read books about prostitutes. He was lost and he felt like a nasty person; Alfred F. Jones...had _hugged_ him. And instead of the American boy taking responsibility, Kiku was the one to be the _errand boy_.

(Of course, not all Asian are this way. Rest assured.)

"Not everyone chose this way of living," Kiku read the words on the screen. "It disgusts many, but sometimes you have to chin up and accept it. You're tainted. You'll have to live with it."

And the Japanese boy found resolution to keep on living. Despite not a virgin anymore.

(Eheh)

~.X.~

"Aiya, Kiku, more tea aru!"

"Kiku, rub my back, da?"

"Hola, Kiku! We're going to play monopoly, take care of the bank, ay?"

"Keeks! Buy me coke!"

"Okay, we're going home aru. Sweep the floor clean, okay?"

"Kiku, take my books to the next class, da?"

"Kiku, mi amigo, can you buy churros for me?"

"Dude, let me copy your homework!"

"Fine," "Yes, "Alright," "Okay," were Kiku's answers. He tried to live by the words; "I once complained about not having shoes, until I met someone without feet." He tried to be grateful—it could be worse, of course—and did his role as an errand boy.

He didn't even want to know what the hell is Friendship Club about, why does it exist in the first place and why—

"Ciao! Friendship club!" Feliciano Vargas slammed the door open and strode in. "I need some help~ Are you doing anything?"

"Hola, Feli~" Antonio stood up straight away, eagerly approaching the Italian boy. "Sure, we're not doing anything. What do you need?"

"Keeks, where's my glasses? I can't read the comic without 'em," Alfred said, distracting Kiku from listening to Feliciano. Kiku frowned at the American, noticing the glasses on his head.

He was about to say that, but then Yao and Ivan shook their head to him.

"Aiyaa, you stupid American, aru. You said you forgot to bring it this morning, aru!" Yao lied, elbowing Alfred, while Ivan took Alfred's glasses from his head.

Alfred fell silent for a while, trying to process. Kiku wanted to cry, since the boy would probably just make him get the glasses back home. Then, Ivan returned with a different pair. Or maybe the same one, but slightly different.

"But I brought a pair with the same lenses, da," Ivan offered the glasses, and Yao had to turn away to hide his laughter. "Would you like to borrow it?"

"Braginsky, sometimes you're really thoughtful, dude," Alfred grinned, taking the offer gratefully and put the pair on. "Thanks!"

Ivan just smiled and turned away, before banging the walls with his water pipe. It's just his way to...err...express mirth, I guess.

"Alfred," Antonio called. "I think you should hear about this, amigo,"

"What is it?" Alfred strode to the door and listened to Feliciano. "What can this amazing hero do today?"

"Ve, you know, Heracles and Sadik are going to use the gym for practice, but their schedules clashed," Feliciano clasped his hands. "So, being the wise man, I made the situation better by suggesting for a death match, ve!"

Alfred nodded, looking impressed. "That's cool, dude! So why are you here, then? I don't see the problem."

"I don't know, Ludwig yelled at me to call and drag someone from this club to stop them, ve!"

"You want us to stop—"

"_Sadik and Heracles_, ay. By the way, that's an amazing mustache, mi amigo. When did that happen?" Antonio nodded and smiled to Alfred, who smiled back, feeling the fake mustache, before dragging Kiku by the collar and pushed the Japanese boy to Feliciano.

"Okay, Feli, you can drag Kiku and tell him whatever you want 'im to do!" Alfred announced, and then grinned to Kiku. "Do your best, Keeks! I'll catch up later if I'm in the mood!" and closed the door.

"Wait, what?" Kiku shivered. "Wh-What is it? Did I...heard a death match?"

"Come on, ve~! Let's go! By the way, Jones! That's some awesome mustache you've grown, ve!"

~.X.~

"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

"Yeah! Take your top off!"

(That one came from Elizabeta Herdevary)

There were a lot of reason not to get between Heracles and Sadik. Kiku saw them for the first time, and he preferred going home. First, both of them were _big_. As in muscles—what, are you thinking of something else, you pervs? Second, they were brash. And they've got horrible temper.

If Kiku, who weighed one third of Sadik's left arm, tried to stop the two from a death-match, then there would be only one death; Rest in Peace Kiku Honda. He's known as a pathetic wallflower and the Friendship Club's errand boy. So Kiku was all shivering when Feliciano brought him to the Germany Ludwig.

"Luddie~ I brought him!"

Ludwig twitched and stared at Kiku in disbelief. He then glared at Feliciano, knowing that Kiku would be useless.

"Get back there and just drag Ivan Braginsky here!" Ludwig yelled at Feliciano, before looking at Kiku apologetically. "This might be offensive, but..."

"It's alright, I know,"

"Yeah, but you're useless in this situation..."

"Thank you, I'm grateful for your consideration—"

"You want me to drag Braginsky!?" Feliciano wept and clung to Kiku. "No! No! I'm going to die if you force me to do that! Kiku, do something!"

Kiku was more frantic about the fact that Feliciano was hugging him and crying to his shirt.

"No—Don't hug me! NO! I'M ALFRED'S PROSTITUTE, YOU CAN'T HUG ME!"

The entire gym fell silent. Even Sadik and Heracles stopped beating each other for the sake of hearing Kiku's cry. Ludwig pulled Feliciano away from Kiku, who was crying about how he's even more tainted and was taking out a knife. Arthur who was in the middle of stopping the fight, noticed it and gaped.

"He's Alfred's WHAT!?"

"HE'S GOING TO COMMIT SEPPUKU!?"

"AWESOME—"

"GILBERT, GET AWAY, STOP TAKING BLOODY PICTURES! HONDA, HOLD IT—_STUPEFY_!"

And then the Student Council President threw his wand, stumbling on Ludwig brother's foot. His magic froze Heracles across the room, but it wasn't Arthur's magic that shocked the entire school, no. It wasn't Alfred's curse on how his bag of popcorn fell right when he entered the gym, no. It wasn't because Gilbert Beilschmidt who awesomely _kneed_ his smartphone into pieces, no.

Because Arthur's face landed on Kiku's crotch, everyone fell silent and Elizabeta was screaming like a _Belieber_.

"KYAAA! THAT'S SO ROMANTIC!"

Arthur shivered and looked up to see Kiku was petrified.

He's still holding that knife.

"Duuude!" Alfred doubled over. He got up, wiping his tears of mirth and approached the two petrified boys. "That's awesome! Keeks, how do you feel having a guy nearly sucking your di—"

"I didn't." Arthur deadpanned, still in disbelief with his omnifoolishness.

(Yes, it's a word now)

Kiku woke up from his mental blood cry. "What—YOU FACE-CROTCH ME, KIRKLAND-SAN, HOW CAN YOU DENY THAT!?"

"I DID NOT FACE YOUR BLOODY CROTCH, HONDA!" Arthur denied and quickly got up.

"Arthur is a rapist!" Alfred announced, and everyone shrieked.

"Yikes! President is a perv!"

"And he's gay!"

Kiku was tearing up again, looking at Arthur who was bewildered about everyone's scream. And then, the president caught his convicting stare.

"I didn't! It was an accident!" Arthur yelled.

Kiku sniffed. "Y-You have to take responsibility!"

Arthur's jaw fell. Alfred doubled over. Ludwig yelled at everyone else to pipe the hell down. Feliciano was crying. Heracles still frozen. Elizabeta taking pictures. The gym was crowded as hell. The pressure. The shame, the—

"NO!"

Arthur punched Kiku in the face.

And that's how the president joined the Friendship Club.

Sadik hummed, scratching his chin.

"What were we doing again, in the first place?"

Ludwig crossed his arms, sighing.

"W-Well, at least Honda really did stop that foolish death match..."

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**I can't accept requests, because I'm bad at having expectations...BUT, you may give me prompts! A movie, aliens, history, anything! I'll see to it if it inspires me~ Just type whatever random thing you want to put in the story!  
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**If you enjoyed and liked this chapter, please add it to your favorite list, and subscribe for more! Leave some reviews if you have the time, **_**und auf wiedersehen!**_


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